Saturday, November 7, 2009

Truth in the Lies

This is a confession of sorts. I have lied (possibly better described as exaggerated) to my boys, once each, in the past 24 hours. I am not ashamed because, of course, they were educational moments.

When we drive past cemeteries, I always start the joke that my Dad always shared with us.

Me: See that cemetery. Guess how many people are dead in that cemetery?
Ian: 105 (or 506...13...98... etc.)
Me: Nope! All of them!!

I am usually the one (and sometimes the only one) who gets the biggest kick out of this joke, and Audrey and Isaac are at the point where they refuse to participate. Go figure. I know I like to do it because it makes me remember my Dad and his humor, and because it gives my kids a silly opportunity to see what Papa was like.

As we drive past a cemetary yesterday on the way home from the grocery store, Ian says, "Mom, everyone in that cemetary is dead."

I concur. And, there goes my joke.

Ian goes on to tell me to drive R-E-A-L-L-Y fast. "Faster Mom!", he yelled over and over again. I told him that we should not drive fast because we will end up in an accident and die.... and we will end up in that cemetery. White lie #1 for safety's sake.

This morning, I was walking around the neightborhood with the boys and Rico. Isaac stops under an oak tree and starts whipping acorns toward the street at the passing cars. I tell him to stop, and he says, "I am just trying to hit the cars as they go past."

"You will be arrested," I shouted. "... JUST like your Uncle Mike did when he was just a little older that you." White lie #2 for the sake of following the letter of the law.

"I don't think you want to go to juvie at the age of 7." Isaac then looked at me quizzically, as if he was wondering what it must have been like for Uncle Mike way back then in "jail".

To set the record straight, Uncle Mike may not have been arrested, nor did he spend time in juvie hall (that I am aware... but he DID also get caught shooting squirrel out of his bedroom window... and caught putting dog poo on a bus driver's seat). He did make a sport out of throwing snow balls at passing cars, and unfortunately, the one that landed went right into a car window. The car window of a man three times his size. Who chased him through the neighborhood. Right into our house. Right past my Dad. I still remember it well. I am pretty sure that Uncle Mike does, too.

And hopefully, my kids will remember that when you speed, you will end up in a cemetery, and if you practice poor judgement, you will end up in juvie.

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