Thursday, July 21, 2011

Of dares & dives

The other day, I received an unusually odd tweet out of the blue from someone that I don't know. It went something like this.

The tweet ended in "...or back down?"

This is why my husband tells me to never, ever meet up with people I meet on Twitter. I think he means because he knows they will get kicked in the balls.

{ I had to stretch to see how I could relate that to this next story. Somehow, I think I have failed. But, read on anyway. }

So last night, I took the kids + one of Audrey's friends to the pool. By the time we had gotten there, the crowd was pretty sparse. However, creepy Dad + his two daughters were in the deep/diving board end with my kids. I was sitting on the edge, preventing any drownage and looking pretty, in my 13 year old boy body with the bonus beer gut and jiggly thighs.

The kids started trying to dive, which, as of last night before the pool, none of them knew how to do. { Why do I find that so odd? Dunno. But, I do. }

Ian began with his attempts, and since I knew he was the only child that would give any thought to listening to me, I decided to 'coach' him. The other kids watched what he was doing, and as predicted, they only listened to about half of what I had to say.

Then, creepy Dad said, "If she knows how to dive, maybe she should show you herself."

He. Dared. Me. Right out there in front of God and everyone.

I should have kicked him in the balls, but instead, the sunglasses came off. Bikini top readjusted. And, away I went. I dove. Although my kids said it was more of a belly flop.

All of my bodaciousness popped out of my top, the top fell down to my waist, and the whole time I was thinking, "Creepy Dad, you dirty, dirty man."

When I surfaced, I made sure Creepy Dad wasn't wearing goggles.

Oh, and by the time we left, all four kids were diving. Thanks to my demonstration. And, creepy Dad.

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Hey! Lookey here! The brown bar to click! Won't you for old time sake? Mwah!

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