letter to school nurse

Dear Ms. School Nurse,

You appear to be a lovely, compassionate woman. When I see your caller ID pop up on my cell phone when I am at work, panic no longer sets in, as I am getting very accustomed to our weekly chats.

I appreciate the care you are giving my second grader who has the sweetest freckles of anyone I have ever seen. With all of the time he has spent in your office this year, I bet you even know just how many freckles are on his cute, conniving nose.

You see, his belly does not hurt. His temperature is not elevated. His knees are not hurting. He isn't starving. Nor does his head ache. Although that is what he would like you to believe. Every single day. 

Rather, he is thoroughly enjoying spending time with you, eating crackers, getting cups of water, laying down in the dimly lit nurse's closet, all while you treat him like a king.

He is our middle child, that sweet second grader is. An attention craver. In fact, you may have seen him earlier this week, outside of Mr. Principal's office, serving time for some attention-attracting behavior.

I beg of you, please refrain from calling me to encourage me to pick his poor, aching soul up from school. For some reason, you - and apparently my darling son - believe that I will cave to your requests sooner or later. I will not.

I have advised my son that you are a very kind woman and when he craves your attention, he is allowed to pop in to say hello. However, unless there is blood, body fluids, or a broken bone, he is not to spend any time in your office.

I do hope you won't be offended if we start to refuse your phone calls. I figure eventually you will send our angel on his merry way back to classroom-land where he must compete with 20 other children for attention.

Thank you for your understanding,
Mrs. White