I am trying to get back on track with the 30 Days of Truth Challenge. I don't like it one bit. These are complex things that Courtney has challenged us to expound on, and I am just not all that complex.
I have chosen to write about someone who made my life hell, although it was only part of my life and it likely isn't too different from many of your experiences... as a pre-teen in junior high. I don't even know that I could really even pinpoint it to junior high or to one person. Truth be told, there were some real bitches in my pre-high school years, and all of the years just seem to run together. So do the 'mean girl' actions.
Back in the day, there was a group of girls that always hung around. A clique. Sometimes I would weave in and out of the group, but the ring leaders were relatively consistent. Yet, we all were still BFFs... with the meanness attached. Just stupid stuff, like 'soft' bullying, lying, excluding, but enough of it, for me to get my feelings hurt and question every little thing I did or said around 'them'. I would then feel this overwhelming guilt that my family had been dealt this 'loser' (me). Yet, I still was okay to continue to 'follow'... until I could break free from my small town by heading off to college.
Dudes, I do believe I have just had me an epiphany!
I actually think that is why - whether you want to believe it or not - I am truly a social introvert, and I prefer keeping friends at a distance. Close friendships are not my forte. It's just what I prefer for social survival, you know? Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice, shame on me. WELL aware of my trust issues, people.
While I have my social relationships, I only NEED my true friends (and that includes family)... those who know me, and the ways I am completely different from them, yet they still love me. That actually may also be why I discern everything, and refuse to just follow the crowd on issues, stances or actions because it is the easiest thing to do. Doesn't make me a rebel. Just means I can think for myself, thank you.
It is such a shame that girls in particular, but boys too, attempt to hurt others emotionally and mentally because of their own insecurities and lack of confidence. Tear others down to build themselves up. Who am I kidding?! Girls and boys???? Pfft!! As adults, we are still doing it. Our kids see us do it, and then they do it. Stir, and repeat my childhood. THAT is why I try to stay out of the messiness.
Update: Did you last night's episode of "The Middle" (aired new November 17, 2010)? What a coincidence! Right on spot, too.