Friday, December 31, 2010

Hello, hello 2011!

Still sitting here blogging on New Year's Eve, watching 50 Most Insane Celebrity Oops on E!  I am living the life, I tell ya.

As with every year, peeps are posting their New Year's Resolutions in bloggeritaville. I got nothing, because as I told you a couple years ago, I don't do resolutions.

All in all, I am looking forward to 2011. Next week begins a new kind of lifestyle for me.  I am really uneasy about my new schedule or lack thereof. You may not get this, and if you work outside of the home full time in addition to being a mom full time, you may be calling me crazy right now because most moms would kill for the deal I have negotiated.  I can understand that.

But understand this...

I was created to do. To go. I don't do 'idle' well. I don't relax. Like never. I can't even sit through a two-hour movie. I am not spontaneous, although it sounds very intriguing. I am everything I wish I wasn't in the 'driven' department.

I recall very vividly asking my older, more mature cousin and an empty nester who never worked outside of the home, what she did all day. I was 26 years old and had only entered the workforce a few years earlier. She looked back at me like I had three heads, and I could tell she was insulted, which wasn't my intention. Even then, I could not fathom what I would do with my time without full-time-outside-of-the-home-work.

Don't believe me? In the past couple weeks, when I could have taken time off, I didn't because we didn't have anything scheduled. What ever would I have done with my time?

THIS is what I do! I organize crap. And then re-organize it. Make it look pretty.

I had to space out my drawer organizing over a week just so no one would recognize that I was doing it before I went part time. Well, that didn't work. Matt has reminded me repeatedly in the past week that I won't have a thing to do beginning next week. Thanks Matt. Just what I need to hear, honey.

With my new schedule, I will be helping Matt with some of his work load. He has much busyness that mucks up his schedule (and to be quite honest, his inefficiencies drive me bonkers!). The other day, during a freak out moment when I was considerably anxious about my lack of schedule, I told him that he needed to weekly give me a to do list for the entire week. He replied, "You can't get it all done right away and then ask me for more to do when you are done." 

As I type this post, it is driving me bonkers that there is an email from Matt in my Inbox with an "assignment" and I have not done it yet. He just sent it this morning.

I think for the first time in forever, I don't feel like I have something driving me. I successfully adjusted my schedule to allow for doing more of what I love... but, I have no idea what I love to do! I don't feel like there is something that gets me out of bed in the morning (other than my three four five little darlings). I am not feeling passionate about anything right now.

Am I the only one? Is there anyone out there that can sympathize with me? Is it just my mid-life crisis or do I just need to up my Zoloft prescription?

I so look forward to summertime because THEN... THEN, the sun will be shining and I will have time to do what I love. Sit in the sunshine. THIS I know and THIS I love.

Until then, in 2011 (and, let's be honest, likely within the first week of the new year) I will learn how to use my camera.... and, not on the "Auto" function.  Also in the next week, I will be hanging some new curtains, trying to add some pizzaz to our builder bathroom, and... of course, doing that assignment in my Inbox from Matt.

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