six months.

That is almost how long it has been since I have written on here. We made it through an entire presidential election, amongst many (many, many, many) other events, and I did not say a WORD (on here... hahaha...).

It's been a weird six months for me. I "retired"... had a brief stint being "unretired"... had a vacation or two... layed by the pool for hours on end... read countless books... got three kids back in school... turned the big  4-0... carpooled 4,327 times to 587 locations... made it through soccer season and the school musical... celebrated a few holidays... hmmpff.... and, now, it is almost the new year. And, I *think* I am ready to write again.

Although, I have moved into this more guarded state. "Half-time" in life is just weird. In so many different ways. So much to process. Too much to evaluate.

It is the place where you wonder if you have taken enough risks.

It is the place where you wonder if you are doing the right thing... every day in every thing you do.  

It is the place where you hope you are leading your children in the right direction.

It is the place where you look back and realize what a dumbass you have been. On so many occasions... to so many people...

Everything is a question for me right now. Or, rather, an evaluation.

Weird stuff happens in this life stage. Crazy shit.

But...  life is very good. It's all very good.

So, I shall move onward with this little space of mine! 

About six months ago, my plan was to post daily. HA! Well, I have the time to write every day, but can I clear the cranial clutter...??? THAT is the question!

Stay tuned... your guess is as good as mine!

Change.

Is has been quite the week here at the white words.

After a couple years of thought, I took the plunge and shall be entering early retirement in a couple weeks. Holla!

I mentioned a couple posts ago that I have worked at the same place for 12 years. Yep, and next week, that ends.

But you know what? It feels so good to now be aware that I am in control of my own destiny (well, sort of... independent of the big guy). Ahhhh. So good.

I reached a point last week when I realized that "someone" had convinced me along the way that they were in control of my life. Bwah!!

Buh-bye.

And then, I cut off all of my hair.

I swear it doesn't look all "Carol Brady" like it looks here.

We are moving on to bigger and better things in this place, and we are so excited (and relieved) for the changes.

I can't wait until I don't come home with the life sucked out of me from negative people and negative experiences.

Change is good.

::  ::  ::

Do you have any summer changes coming up that are exciting?

::  ::  ::

PS: My college alma mater is off to the College World Series... that's right... WE ARE KENT STATE!  Cheer on the Golden Flashes with me, won't you?!

I can.

I am the absolute opposite of athletic, and I don't have a competitive athletic bone in my body. For example, I was on the track team  in high school, and most of the time, I would have other people run for me. I have likely never run outside for more than 800 yards at one time. True.

About six months ago, I decided that I had *way* too much time on my hands to use the I-don't-have-time excuse to avoid working out. So I joined a gym... one with very little traffic during the time I like to go and one with very little pressure. Most of the time, I am the fittest person in the gym, if you catch my drift.

At the gym, I spend about 30-45 minutes on an AMT - adaptive motion trainer - so I run, climb, cross country ski at various intervals, and I then spend about 30 minutes on my upper body with Precor equipment. When I am done with my workout, I feel like I could run home from the gym.

This weekend, the kids and I were at a sporting goods store, so I bought some new kicks.

Bitches, this morning, I ran two miles!

TWO MILES.

Without stopping.

Outside. With hills, gravel and everything.

Booyah.

Even had two of my kids with me, and when we hit the two mile marker, we high fived each other!

I am sure all of you runners are scoffing at me right now, and go right ahead if it makes you feel better about your own bad self.

Honeybadger don't care.

Lost.

I am currently reading "The Lost Girls", which is a travel memoir of three women in their late twenties.

Amanda, Jen and Holly left behind successful jobs, boyfriends and friends in Manhattan to embark on a year long journey around the world. The book is their story, written from each of the girls' perspectives.

The minute I picked up the book, it started me thinking about my own life...

I am not a risk taker, and I have *always* allowed myself to be pigeon-holed into whatever is supposed to come next in life.

Out of high school, of course I went on to college... which meant I eventually had to major in something. I graduated in four years, and I had three different declared majors in those four years. My final decision was made, sitting cross-legged, in the hallway of my dorm, course catalog open, literally pointing my finger at random at a page and voila! Major chosen.

With the exception of my husband, there is no way on earth that any twenty year old knows what he/she wants to do for the rest of his/her life.

I went on to grad school, and beyond that, all early adult milestones were met right on schedule.

I now am happily married with three wonderful children and two dogs. We are financially stable, living in suburbia with a finely manicured lawn. I have worked at the same company for twelve years. We are living the American dream, which is awesome. Seriously. I love my very comfortable life, and I understand that, especially today, I should have no feeling towards it other than gratitude.

:::yawn:::

At times, I wish I would have realized along the way that me, Matt, the kids and the dogs could be a bunch of gringos living in Costa Rica, for example, selling beer and recreational equipment on the beach. People *need* that stuff, you know.

Don't worry... it is just the middle age crisis talking. And, it is hitting me like a bunch of bricks that Audrey is only four years away from having to make some serious life decisions.  

ONLY FOUR YEARS. Let's face it. It is less than four years.

I feel it is so important for Matt and I to be cognizant of not boxing Audrey into any path - intentionally or unintentionally. I want her to responsibily ask "Why not?" with any opportunities that come her way instead of doing what she *thinks* she should do based on what she knows and has seen growing up. I don't want fear  - her own or the fear that others show - to hold her back... not in a hey-you-can-be-President-of-the-United-States-one-day kind of way... but in a find-and-follow-your-passion kind of way.  

Or else she is going to be a 40 year old lost girl.

How in the eff did I get to be {almost} 40?

Starting over.

Hey, look! 

I changed my blog. Again. 

New plan. 

Blog daily about *one* thought for the day. Categorize that thought by the hat I am wearing while having that thought.

Shazam. I love structure.