The best personal weight loss plan

Hahaha... I love using titles like that, and if you know anything about search engine optimization, you know why. Psych! If you are looking for sound weight loss advice, you may want to consider some other options. Because... come on readers, say it with me... "Anne White knows a lot about nothing."

If you remember, Matt and I are competing to see who will look better in a bikini by the time bikini season is here (I guess I decide when that is because [hopefully] I will be the only one IN a bikini). 

The real title of this post should be, "I fell prey to the ad"... yep, I did.

I saw an ad for a supplement power/drink called Almased.   It is basically like any other protein drink (with very little or no carbs)... it puts your body into ketosis, causes your body to lose much water, you look leaner (because you are dehydrated), and your body eventually begins to use the fat in your body as fuel (versus using carbs). It is pretty much the same thing that happens w/ the Atkins Diet... or untreated diabetes.

If I was still an MS, RD, LD, my cards would be REVOKED. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Doods, if I had the cash, I would have by butt cut off, too.

Yesterday was it. According to the packaging, one is supposed to drink an Almased shake for breakfast and dinner, with a meal in between. I tried it.

Here is the gist of it... ALMASED IS THE WORST TASTING ANYTHING ON THIS PLANET. So much so, that as I successfully downed it two times yesterday, I told myself I could realistically eat anything... even bazillion legged millipedes. Survivor, here I come! (Psst... if that ever happens, remind me to take my Outdoor Living Shoes with me.)

Yesterday, I had:

• Almased shake (with water to mix)
• Spinach salad with every veggie you can think of piled on.
• Almased shake (this time with milk and strawberries blended in - tasted worse. Blech)
• Vegetable broth
• Cottage cheese w/ grapes
• 400 gallons of water

I also walked just over 2 miles.

By the time 3:00pm rolled around yesterday, my head hurt like a son of a you-know-what. I was dizzy. The light hurt my eyes. Bad shape. Not as mean as I thought I would be though.

But, the HUGE accomplishment of the day was no popcorn and no beer before bed. In fact, I had nothing after 6:00pm or so. (A big thanks to my BFF, Colleen, who decided to text me a picture of her and her Coors Light can last night. Not phased, I tell you.)

I woke up today feeling ffffiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnneeeeee.

I could not bring myself to drink Almased this morning. I was warned. I read the reviews. I didn't think anything could taste THAT bad. Well, it does. There has to be something people drink it with to make it better. Or it wouldn't be selling (and it seems to be).

SlimFat (aka Matt) let me borrow a SlimFast shake for breakfast. Yum. It was seriously like the best thing I have ever drank (next to my Coors Light, of course). And, for lunch, I had the most delicious spinach, mozarella, tomato, walnut, & vinegarette salad. Sweet lady I work with then brought me a delish whey protein shake. Yum. (No lie.)

No headaches. No tiredness. I didn't even need the veggie broth. I am a machine. (Makes me giggle every time I say it.)

Who knows what dinner may hold for me... I know it will include spinach because we have a boat load of it at home... with possibly some peppered pork loin and goat cheese on top?

So, who needs a canister of Almased? It is like powdered gold.

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(Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny is over, but TopMommyBlogs.com will never end! You can vote every day, and every day, I will remind you. Just do it... you will make me feel so much better about myself... mwah!!!)