Modern day witch hunt?

The other day at our Valentine's Day dinner, Matt asked me what I thought about gay marriage.  Pretty deep for a Valentine's discussion.

I won't bore you with a long drawn out explanation of my opinion(s) on the subject, because they don't really matter.  Nope, they don't, regardless of how I or you would choose to label them. (Maybe I will post about my rationale for this at some other time.)

But I will say that, personally, I don't want to live in a world where any person is treated as a second class citizen based on their race, gender, sexuality, spiritual beliefs, etc. 

So did you hear this week or last about the group called One Million Moms, which is an arm of the American Family Association? They are a group of Christian moms,  and they do not want Ellen Degeneres as the spokeswoman for JCPenney because she is openly gay... and JCPenney caters to the "traditional family". One Million Moms would like customers to boycott shopping at JCPenney if they do not change their spokesman.

Hmmpff. 

Regardless of my views of gay marriage, I am with PunditMom when she says,

When I hear about efforts like those of a group called “One Million Moms” trying to take down a business and a celebrity because they want to “protect” their children from “non-traditional” families, the first thing I think is, “Isn’t life hard enough without hating families that don’t look like yours?” 

However, I would have replaced "hating" with "attacking". Even Bill O'Reilly called it a modern-day witch hunt.

OK, so what do you think about the One Million Moms initiative against JCPenney? Do you see value in such an effort, or do you think what they've done has hurt, more than helped, their cause?

You Can’t Be What You Can’t See

There have only been two times that I can recall when I was utterly astounded by a man's opinion of women in the workplace (or the White House as it happens to be in one situation).

The first was when Matt and I were in a structured group at our church on a Sunday morning, and a couple was asked to introduce themselves and tell more about their family. The husband said something to the effect that the wife had finally found her wits about her when she realized her place is in the home and not in corporate America. The group, made up of men and women, laughed... except for me. Why would you laugh as such an obvious asinine and sexist comment? I don't get it.

The second time was when I watched this video, which is the trailer to Miss Representation, a documentary by Jennifer Siebel Newsom, that premiered at the 2011 Sundance Film Festival, and aired on OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network in October and November of this year. It is short. Take a second and watch.

What's the downside with a woman being in the Oval Office? PMS and mood swings?

I don't consider myself a feminist. But I believe that girls and women can achieve anything they want in life, independent of any man or the media. 

The two men had pretty douchey things to imply about women, and if they say them out loud , what messages are their daughters hearing at home? Will their boys going to grow up with the same disrespect for women?

I could rant... but I won't...

The documentary trailer speaks for itself, but may I say that it is so important that we insure that our daughters AND our sons do not use media (ALL media) as the measure of what a girl can do, who she can become, and how she can impact her world, regardless if that world is her home, corporate America, a classroom or the mission field in Africa.

A girl's world may certainly change over time, but regardless of what stage she is in her life, she needs real life role models - of both genders - who respect women and their roles in society, not just in principle but with purpose.

The Miss Representation film is not scheduled to air again on OWN that I can see, and it is not yet available on DVD, but you can head to the website and check out what is presently offered in terms of education, and you can also put yourself on the list to be notified when the DVD is released.

I want to know... have you seen the film yourself, and  do you know of any school districts that have viewed the film and/or have included its curriculum in their own?

The Real Jesus

My two take aways:

• How many people see the beauty of the real Jesus because of the ugliness of His followers? Pfft.
• The real Jesus doesn't want or need gatekeepers.
• If you are marching to some kind of victory over people, you are not marching in the Jesus-march.

I cannot speak for our church's pastor, but I believe he began the current series we are in at Christ Community Chapel,  which is looking at the fruit of the spirit, because of this same premise...

Christians (me, you, we) often don't act like Jesus... don't love like Jesus... don't have joy like or through Jesus... don't have peace like Jesus... don't show kindness or patience like Jesus...  instead, we play 'gatekeeper', like Greg Boyd points out in the video sermon above.

We are so jacked up. Aren't we? And, of course, I think I am way less whacked than you. { That's a joke. Just in case you don't 'know' my ways yet. }

Random thought, since I don't have a pastoral pedigree...

You know what would be pure awesomeness? If the politicians and media morons - regardless of which side of the aisle they call home - that claimed to 'follow Jesus', acted like Jesus. Not through their moral convictions (which I am not saying are wrong or 'bad')... but through the way they treat, love, and speak about and to other people.

Do you realize how much we - you and I - formulate our own opinions and beliefs based on political stances (which, of course, impacts our words, actions, and how we treat other people) versus the teachings of Jesus and through allowing the fruit of the Holy Spirit - which we should have as Christians, right???? - to work in us and through us?

Can you imagine the failure of Jesus here on earth had he acted like us?

After all, if you are marching to some kind of victory over people, you are not marching in the Jesus-march... whether you are a politician or a pastor... or some measly blogger like me.  

The cRaZiEs, often misunderstood

On my blog, and in real life, I openly talk about being on my happy pills. Sometimes I make light of it, I guess in an  attempt to eliminate the stigma that surrounds 'being medicated' for anxiety or depression - in my case, it is anxiety, of the 'crazy brain' variety.

The best way to describe my non-medicated brain (and body) is this:  

Imagine everything in your brain... your thoughts, your emotions, and everything visual that you see... swirling like a tornado in one direction, with no way to stop the swirling or no way to filter what is in the tornado. Then comes the physical reaction to that, which is something that seems like a physical swirling in the opposite direction. Opposing tornadoes. From there, you should be able to figure that a body would react either by shutting down, or in my case, by going completely out of control, mentally, physically, and verbally.

Completely irrational. Out of control. And, completely out of my control. There is no way to just stop it.

As I look back, I think my crazies may have started to roll in late college/early marriage. After I gave birth to Ian, our third child, which was almost 6 years ago, the crazies definitely peaked, and I knew something had to be done.

I was a mere 20mg of happy medication away from being chill. Under control. Rational. Just 20 mg "off".

While the same triggers may prompt a response today, as I am medicated, my response is under my control.

The reason I write about this today is because of something I read this week on a blog that I follow. Motherlode posted an article written by a woman who grew up afraid of her father's rage. In response to that article, a father asked for advice for his family, as they were dealing with the rage of the mother in the family.

I am disheartened by some of the comments written in an attempt to help that father and his family. Ten years ago, my husband probably would have described me the same exact way this father described his wife. ( I don't know that he would have labeled me as verbally abusive, but I can tell you that it is a period of my life that I hope my children, especially our middle one, never remember. )

20mg of a drug "off". That's all I was.

Through this Motherlode article and its comments, this mother and wife has now been labeled as a bad, non-loving, abusive parent who should have her children taken away from her. I just keep thinking, what if the husband internalizes all of these 'suggestions' and takes an extreme action? I am not sure that she deserves that.

I do not ever want to make light of an abusive situation, and I know there are hundreds of thousands, if not millions, out there who have been the victim of verbally or physically abusive parents or significant others.  And, there is a distinct difference between someone who is abusive out of control issues versus someone who is unstable because of a chemical imbalance. Both could cause harm, physical or emotional. I know that.

However, in my non-medical-degreed opinion, it would seem to be wise to always remember that there could be opposing tornadoes in a brain and body, and as horrible as it is to be on the receiving end of uncontrollable behavior, it is just as scary to be the one out of control with the 'crazy' brain.

If you are someone or knows someone who sounds like me, or the wife in the blog article, visit your doctor or recommend they visit theirs. Forget about the stigma. I cannot believe I did not call my doctor sooner.

When I called my doctor's office, I recall thinking, um... when they ask for the reason for the visit, what do I say? Would you rather say, "My hemorrhoids are acting up." or "I need to talk to the doctor about my anxiety."? Yeah. I vote for anxiety. It may not be anxiety,  but that's a nice term that the office scheduler can write down.

I have to tell you that when I got to the doctor, who is a gorgeous, chill Mom in her 40s, all I had to say was, "The only way to describe was is going on is crazy brain."  Do you know that my hot doctor also has crazy brain and knew just what I was talking about? True. I didn't have to say another word.

20mg a day later and crazy brain gone. Completely.

One last point before I put this topic to bed for the day: If you do not understand crazy brain or understand why someone cannot just 'will' it away or get things under control, that merely means you do not understand it.

It does not mean that medication or medical/psychological intervention isn't needed. I am not saying in all cases it is, but it may be.

You can't will away grey hair, high cholesterol, low bone density, low thyroid hormone, or a seasonal allergy... the list could go on and on.

While some things are mind over matter, I have not found crazy brain to be one of them.

Douche is the word of the day

Douche is the word of the day. If you don't like that word, you may want to look away. Seriously.

You have all heard it or read it... Lebron James' statement(s) after the Miami Heat's loss to the Dallas Mavericks:

"All the people that were rooting on me to fail, at the end of the day, they have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today. They have the same personal problems they had today. I'm going to continue to live the way I want to live and continue to do the things that I want to do with me and my family and be happy with that. They can get a few days or a few months or whatever the case may be on being happy about not only myself, but the Miami Heat not accomplishing their goal. But they have to get back to the real world at some point."

To be completely honest, and if you know me AT ALL, you know this to be true. I could really care less about sports, Lebron, the Cavs, the Mavs or the Miami Heat.

I do care about someone - anyone - trying to be something they really aren't, especially when they are a self-proclaimed role model or in the position of being a role model for our youth.

So yes, in this case, I am talking about Lebron.

But, it is a good lesson to be learned by all of us. Me included. We can all be douchebags, can't we?

With respect to the quote from Lebron above, I don't think he was reminding us about the hum-drum lives we live, as compared with his superstar life. From the moment I first heard it come out of his mouth, I didn't think that was what he was going for.

(I think that is what the media was going for because it gave more color to his statements.)

Instead, I think he was trying to tell all of his haters and critics that we are just projecting all of the BS we have in our lives on to him. We have sucky lives, or so he thinks, or thinks we think, and because of that, we like to rip on him, because that makes us feel better about ourselves.

That is possible --- that we are projecting, because we do it all of the time --- or it is possible that we are so tired of Lebron trying to be something he isn't --- superhuman or "The King" or someone worthy of 5, 6, 7 or 8 NBA championships --- that really, it is making us ill to the point of complete and total hatred toward him?

Not for a minute do I think he is stupid enough - while it is totally possibly - to try to [not so eloquently state] that our lives suck, and on the flip, his does not. (Dude, your life totally had to suck yesterday.)

Whatever Lebron. The Greater Man upstairs knows when it is your time... and um, whatever. Another stupid statement. The Greater Man also knows when I will win the lottery. And, that could also be never. (Just. Shut. Up. Already.)

Arrogrance, a lack of humility and self-professed superiority is so unbecoming. I don't care if you are Lebron James or my next door neighbor.

So, a few things to be learned from the Lebron Debacle, Part 2:

First of all, if you have been a douche, through words, because of your words, or because of your actions (Lebron, you hit a triple on this one) don't make it someone else's fault. Man up and own it. And, then just shut the heck up. Spin rarely works.

Next, don't try to be something you are not or may never be. Humble yourself and leave the arrogance behind, because in the end, you will just come out as the douche. I may have said this once already, but spin rarely works. You ain't all you think you are, even if you are Lebron James, and there is a world out there to remind you of that.

And finally... for those of us that like to pretend that Lebron's antics are a rare form of douchbaggery, let's be willing to admit that we have all fallen into the same trap as he has. Maybe not to the same degree, in the international spotlight, but we all do and say things we regret ... and, more often than we would like to admit, our words and actions come back to bite us in the ass.

We all can learn from Lebron and the douchy-ness. Can't we?

Today, I had free range kids

I have officially become the biggest summertime bum. At this moment, I am vaguely aware that it is Monday; however, I have no clue as to the date. I don't need to know that until I head into the office tomorrow, where I will only need to know the date for approximately seven hours.

Today was another day of hoping THE plan for my summer days would happen as scheduled. It did not.

No early morning dog walk. No sleeping kids. No pool. No pool. But, today was another great day.

A perfect summer day. Perfect in that it was the kind that I reminisce about.

The boys and I ran some errands, went to the park, ate lunch, and... they were off!

Gone.

They came, they went. In and out of our house. In and out of other's houses. To the neighborhood park. To the 'real' park. Sometimes alone. Other times not. Most of the time on bikes (gasp! without helmets).

It is now 8:30pm as I am typing this, and Isaac is just coming home to eat dinner, one that is about 3 food groups away from being considered 'well-rounded'.

At some point in the 6 o'clock hour, Isaac ran in and asked if he could go somewhere else from where he just came from in the neighborhood. He was having a blast, and I didn't want to ruin the momentum, so I approved, even though he had been playing since 1:00pm. I told him to be home by 7:00pm.

At 7:00pm, he called, still not hungry, (yeah right!), so I told him to be home at 8:00pm.

At 7:45pm, he called and asked if he could just stay in the kickball game until everyone else went home.

At 8:15pm, he called and asked if he could go to Max's house just until... until whenever.

But, he is now home. Safe. After running 'free' all day long with his friends and neighbors. Creating awesome memories in his little child size brain.

When I think it couldn't get any better, Ian brought this home. Who knew they still made this stuff?

I am pretty confident that this will not lead to dippin'... you know, tobacco chewing... but if it does, it does.

For more information on being a Free-Ranger, click here. You should subscribe. Having some solid facts is way better than watching the scary nightly news.

fyi, I don't really call myself a Free Ranger with Free Range Kids, but today, I was one. If you follow my blog at all, you know that I am not what you would call laid back. Today though, there was nothing in my gut or my head telling me not to be. So, I went with it. And, it felt good. My children are not going to spontaneously combust if I am not with them every second and if they are allowed to just be kids. It is true. I saw it today.

Now, I am going go have me a good chew. Until next time, mwah!!

Being unsocial in a social world

I had a friend and neighbor email me today. She had stumbled across my blog and she was commenting on the 'about me' page.

This partial paragraph resonated with her...

Much to everyone's surprise (I haven't met one person who agrees), I am a social introvert, and I would prefer to stay at home rather than interact with those outside of these walls.

In our emails back and forth, we realized that when it comes to being social, we are very much alike. We are not social, or we prefer not to be, but our husbands are.

My friend asked me how Matt and I handle the dochotomy.

I'll get to that, but I wanted to first tell you about my unsocial ways.  I know some of you think I am down right lying. You have seen me at Halloween parties, school events, and I may have possibly chatted your ear off even today.

It is like I am social introvert trapped in an extrovert's body... or is it a social extrovert trapped in an introvert's body... whoa... slow this train down. 

Here is how Matt describes it: You hate [it]. You would rather not do [it]. But, when you do, you have a great time. And then you act like new people you have met are your besties. (He used the word 'besties', not me.)

I have always preferred to be a homebody. If I had the choice (I shall use that term loosely), I wouldn't go anywhere or meet anyone new. There would be no barbeques, New Year's parties, movie nights, school functions or neighborhood gatherings.

In college, I was the dork at the library on a Thursday, Friday AND Saturday night. Sssshhhh... there is no socializing in the library. Quiet time.

I like everything in my life to be planned and orderly. So, unplanned social time especially freaks me out.

(I realize that if you are local to me, I just have likely alienated myself from you, and I will never get invited anywhere, ever again, but keep the invites coming... I am a work in progress!) 

Maybe it is a fear of the unknown (i.e. meeting someone new, having to strike up conversation, making an ass of myself - which I have been known to do - etc.). Or possibly just preferring the path of least resistance (i.e. not having to get 'ready', line up babysitting, figure out logistics, be on someone else's time schedule, not making an ass of myself, etc.). 

To someone naturally social, those things may seem flat out crazy and difficult to understand. But for me, and many others, they are real and can be socially debilitating.

Matt, for example, can talk to anyone, anywhere... and get a business deal out of it, plus two tickets to a basketball game and free drinks. On the contrary, networking kills me. Yet, by job title, I am in sales.

How can we be so different? Because we are. And, here is how we deal with it.

1. Compromise, compromise, compromise.

Typically, it is Matt that sets our social schedule (or, as it is pretty clear here, we wouldn't have one at all). Which is fine, in most cases, but it won't work if we both aren't flexible. For example, he may decide that we are going to do something, but I decide how long we will be doing it. Or, I may go all crazy and accept an invitation to a fundraiser when he least expects it.

2. Be social, but not too social.

Matt knows that in most social settings, he cannot just leave me to fend for myself. I follow him like a good obedient dog, do a lot of head nodding and smiling to make it seem like I am in the conversation... when I am really counting down the minutes until we can head out. (If ever runs for public office, I am dead meat.)

I also know my social limits. Take volunteering at the kids' school, for example. No committee based volunteering, because chit-chat drives me nutso and I am a control freak. But, I will give as much time as you need, I will bake fifty dozen cookies, and I can sit with kids sewing sock puppets for as long as you need me.

3. Medication.

I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. But sometimes I like to make you think I'm one. I have no clue what a real doctor would tell you about social anxiety, but in my experience, medication has worked wonders. On many different levels. And, it beats becoming dependent on alcohol to get you through social situations. Although, alcohol helps, too. Who am I trying to kid? Okay, maybe talk to your doctor. Just a thought.

{ Seriously, as I am typing this, I get an email from Matt asking if we can do a night out this weekend with his partner at CutOutsideTheLine.com and his wife. Both are super cool... and she is just like me when it comes to being social... so, we likely won't be having dinner with them this weekend. Haha! }

4. Include family.

In my case, I am perfectly comfortable around my family, and if you are naturally unsocial, you may be, too. Well, not around MY family... they are cRaZy and would scare you to death... but you are likely comfortable around YOUR family. When your significant other is feeling the need to be social, try scheduling something with family (or anyone else in your comfort zone). Getting out and being social doesn't necessarily mean meeting new people... at least not all of the time.

5. Live in the moment.

Easier said than done, right? I have found that when I let my guard down and actually just live life, instead of worrying about what is coming next, I can have a darn good, non-anxiety-filled time. I don't HAVE to be in bed at nine o'clock every night, even on New Year's Eve... but I prefer to. When I look back, if I hadn't taken a chance or two (or fifteen hundred) at doing things or going places, I wouldn't have met some awesome people along the way.

6. Lower your standards.

My friend and I both confirmed today that, often times, we don't want to be social in our own homes because of our OCD/perfectionist tendencies. The house isn't clean. We don't have the right kind of food. They will bring their kids and ick! kids are just gross and make a mess.  Chaos. Oh, the chaos that goes along with entertaining.

Does it really matter? Well, to us, the non-social, perfectionists,  it does. But no, not in the bigger scheme of things. Too bad we aren't wired to think that way.

As I told my friend today, I think with age and as the kids grow, and as life just gets crazier, we need to lower our standards and expectations. Things will never be perfect, and that is okay.

Easy for me to say, harder for me to do. 

I am now going to crawl into my hole and let you tell me how crazy I am... and, then tell me that I am. not. a. social. introvert. G' head. Have at it.

: :  : :  : :

Are you also a self-proclaimed social introvert? Is your significant other? How do you handle it?  

: :  : :  : :

Puh-leeeeeeeezzzz!  Don't send me back to #14! Just a quick click on the brown bar is all it takes! Mwah! Thanks for your votes! I'll buy you a beer next time I am out being social. Deal? Deal.

Mean girls: the way we roll

A few years ago, when our daughter was just in elementary school, I had mentioned to her friend's Mom (and also my friend) that I would not tolerate a 'mean girl' attitude from Audrey.

My friend laughed, because, at the time, she had an older girl in middle school. Essentially, she what trying to tell me that she knew how girls were, and I should just expect it.

I vowed that I would never, ever put up with that sort of behavior. Ever.

Since then, we haven't had to deal with many mean girl or queen bee situations, but when we have, I have always repeated the same mantra to Audrey: "I don't care what anyone else is doing, you need to set a good example."

Recently, she has had to take the brunt of some mean behavior from others.

But today, I had to show her the way we roll in our house when we have been the mean one. She wasn't bullying, but she was not being a friend to one of her friends.  One of her friends? That is so not setting a good example.

Let's go back about thirty years. I had a decent size group of friends in elementary school. However, we were either mean as a group to everyone else, or we were mean to each other.

Repeatedly, growing up, I felt picked on and abandoned by my very own friends. There was always whispering, teasing, phone pranks, ranks within the clique, etc.

It sucked. And, I am well aware that I was not an innocent bystander. It was the survival of the fittest at all times.

I am relatively confident this is the very reason that I tend to keep friends at a distance, still today.  The old adage - Who needs enemies when you have friends? - applies to my childhood friendships.

Okay, fast forward back to today.

Another friend called me (with much trepidation for various reasons) to let me know that there was some 'not so nice' behavior going on. Audrey was involved.

I am not really sure if my darling daughter thought I was fibbing about the way we roll when it comes to treating others and being the good example. But at one point today, I minced no words when letting her know that if it happened again, I would rip her head off... of course, that was in addition to some other soft motherly instruction given.  

{ Side note: I also told her today that ladies do NOT drink Hawiian Punch. And, I meant it. }

As far as I am concerned, there is no excuse for treating 'friends' like crap. There is no good reason for the backstabbing, teasing, one-upping, etc.

I am not really sure why, as parents, we feel the need to give excuses. But, I do wish we would stop.

We need to stop fearing the conversation with other parents about how their children are making our children (or other children) feel with cruel and inappropriate behavior because we know that there could be retaliation or lost friendships.  We also need to stop putting up five thousand different defense mechanisms when our own child is the one that is not being the 'nice friend'.

If it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck... well, you know the rest.

Let's face it, kids can be cruel. Girls are especially evil. But they don't have to be. And,  if they are, there is something bigger going on.

Whether it is peer pressure, struggles at home or their own poor self-esteem, there is always something else going on. Instead of glossing over these issues or chalking them up to hormones, we should be addressing them with our children.

I don't have to get into why my own daughter didn't act like a true friend recently. Because, it doesn't really matter....  

What is critical in this situation is that her actions (or lack thereof) made someone else feel like crap. And, that is so. not. cool.

I am pretty sure she gets that now. I would really hate for her to lose her head.

What are the boundaries when it comes to posting pictures of children?

For me, the only rule is no nudity. Or anything that could be construed as such.

Example. Here are my handsome boys fresh off of serious haircuts.

No backs of heads. Not restricted to profiles. Maybe I should be, but I am not really in fear of some whacko finding my child(ren), fully clothed, on the internet. I am also not fearful of someone trying to steal their identity.

Maybe it is my medication...or the fact that I literally refuse to watch the local news... or my 'crazy liberal' ways... but, in this area of child safety, I have mellowed.

The way I see it, if some perv wants some pics of partially clothed children - or heck, fully clothed children - they can get those images via their very own camera, in any American city by visiting the local park,  swimming hole, playground or church.  

Today, I went to Ian's kindergarten musical. I took pics of some really cute kids. I almost posted the pictures to this blog (primarily for our family to see), but decided against it because I did not have parental consent. However, I did post them on Facebook, where I have maxed out the security on such pictures. (Even though any of my 'friends' on Facebook could work around those privacy settings.)

Yes, I have posted pictures before of children on here, without parental consent, but today, something told me not to do it. And, I know exactly what that was.

I had just read this post at FreeRangeKids. However, instead of feeling liberated to post the pics, I leaned towards discretion. Because, I have also read things like this, and this.

So, tell me what you think! 

• Do we reveal too much when it comes to our children?
• Or, are we way too paranoid when it comes to posting images of our children?
• What are your boundaries or rules when it comes to your own children?

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We can do it! Click the brown bar (or button) every day, and only with your votes, will I come close to the top #10 on TMB.com. Be sure to check out the other sites in the directory as well. There is something for everyone!

Rally to Restore Unity

This week (which ends today!), Rachel Held Evans is hosting an online “Rally to Restore Unity” at her blog for one simple reason:

Rachel believes that, as Christians, “we can disagree without calling each other heretics.” 

"The goal is to lightheartedly combat some of the vitriol coming out of the online Christian community by celebrating what we have in common and demonstrating that we can have a sense of humor when it comes to non-essential theological disagreements."

Genius! Although, the credit goes to Jon Stewart and The Daily Show staff.

My homemade sign above. I'm in Memphis, remember??? Plus, I am joining this week long movement on its very last day. Game almost over.

I will admit, I was a sheep. Before. Believing any and all things that Christians had to say.

Call it a maturation in my belief system, or possibly a regression depending on your viewpoint of one's trepidation with conformity, but now, I value a good debate of theology. 

I don't have to be right, and I no longer think I have all of the answers. { Psst... neither do you. }

I was given a brain by my creator, as you were, and I can think with it as He intended. I can use it to become educated about Him and his Word, regardless of my formal religious pedigree.

My next homemade sign: You can't take away my Christianity card because I am not a 'yes' {wo}man. No sir.  If you are looking for a puppet to further your empire (or let's face it... your career), you don't want me.

When we place too much emphasis on trying to get others to believe exactly what we believe (regardless of the topic)... and spend way too much time trying to control others for our own benefit... it is impossible to be the hands and feet of Jesus here on earth.

It is my hunch that when we try to control others' beliefs and actions, God is looking down on us saying, "You fools!"  Yes, with an exclamation point.

There are way more important things for us to be doing than worrying about being just like each other in our thoughts, beliefs and actions.

Let's get back to doing what we encourage our children to do... it doesn't matter what others are doing or saying... you need to set a good example.  Easier said than done (and I fail miserably), but that doesn't mean we should lose focus.

Mission accomplished

By now, the world has heard of the death of Osama bin Laden... and if you haven't, you likely live in a cave.

When I woke up today, I realized I had unfinished lia sophia business from last night, and I had to get it taken care of ASAP this morning. So, I fired up the laptop that was still on my bedside table.

I pulled up my Internet Explorer and CNN.com pops up on my home page. WOW. Holy crap!, I exclaimed. I then spent the next hour trying to explain to Ian (5) that President Obama was not dead... Usama bin Laden was dead... and to Isaac (9) how, yes, people jumped out of the Twin Towers to their death, to avoid a more horrible and uncertain death in 2001, before he was born.

Now that the kids are at school, I am taking in all of the reactions from around the world - on TV, on Facebook, and on Twitter. I am sort of surprised, to be honest. And my brain is swirling with my own thoughts on the fact that bin Laden is dead.

Remember when I posted about the death penalty and abortion? I purposely stayed away from the issue of war, because I have not given too much thought to it as it relates to death... liberty, freedom, justice, yes... the positives, yes... but not death, one of the biggest cons.

Not feeling like getting all political in this post, but I lean toward supporting justifiable war for things that we often take for granted --- life, liberty and justice.

So any way, today I will not celebrate bin Laden's death (which it is a very difficult thing as a human being because justice feels really good), but I will celebrate a mission accomplished by our dedicated military forces who have fought, risked their lives, and have given their lives in this mission, for the past 9 1/2 years.

I cannot imagine... fathom... dream of how it feels to our military to have this accomplished.    

bin Laden does not deserve any attention today, but Pentagon office workers, New York firefighters, the New York City PD, those on Flight 93, everyday Americans, and our military... they DO. I will celebrate them today. 

Let's not belittle what has been done, even though there is so much more to come.

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What are your thoughts on bin Laden's death?

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Faith & doubt in humanity

I don't follow her blog, but yesterday, Summer Minor of Austin, TX posted her self-written eulogy after her spiraling depression and battle with bipolar disorder seemed to have put her in the darkest of dark places.

What was to be her final post and her unresponsiveness afterward had the online blogging and other social media communities abuzz.

There are two things about the situation that have me in awe.

The first being that Summer's online community of friends and supporters likely saved her life. THEY were keeping an eye on her through her posts and THEY were the ones that contacted the authorities, who then searched for Summer and, thankfully, found her. Alive.  Summer is safe, hospitalized and is getting the help she needed. When you say your prayers today, remember to include Summer, her family and those like her who seem to be so lost that they feel there is no other way out.

Lately, the media has put much focus on what Twitter and other social media outlets have been able to do. To all of social media's critics, criticize away... because it is amazing that social media saved a life yesterday in the most direct and raw way.

The second thing about Summer's post that has me somewhat speechless, is that there were many in the online community that criticized Summer, calling her selfish for abandoning her three young children and for inciting panic online. They also blasted her on her own blog for posting the eulogy as a hoax, because in the end, she did not commit suicide.

Really?

I am not going to pretend to know anything about crippling depression or other disorders and pain that may create suicidal tendencies or thoughts. But what I do know is that thoughts of suicide are not selfish or painless or controllable.  Feelings of and suicide itself happens to real people who believe that is the only way out - for them and for their family. It isn't something that can be snapped out of or controlled alone by medication. While it is an illness, there is not a quick fix.

If you or someone you know appears to be heading down a dark road, please click here for a resource. 

Um, if you are one that has criticized Summer (or anyone like Summer), you should also click the link. It was written by someone who has been there.

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MYODB

I just feel like I got bitched slapped right from the blogosphere.

This post was in my Google Reader tonight.

I know you don't like having to vote. But there are many things I do every day that I really don't like to do either. And, to be fair, I have repeatedly asked you to only vote if you think I am worthy. Some of you read and don't vote. You must not think I am as great as I think I am.

When I started blogging, I turned to TopMommyBlogs.com as a resource for other blogs. The top blogs, I read, as in past tense. Religiously. It was a good jumping off point. There are plethora of blogs to be read at TMB. TMB remains a security blanket and validates my blog -- you don't want to write your comment ON THE BLOG, but you will click. And, I know you are reading it.

Last week, I realized there are these cliques of female bloggers out there. Bully bloggers. Female bloggers that bully other bloggers through chat rooms... and now this post comes out.

Dang. They are as bad as the snots in middle school. It is like someone beating you in a race, and then talking smack about how bad you suck, while trying to paint it as though they are trying to help you with this 'advice' through their own blog post.

The fact that I solicite votes through TMB.com, apparently, makes me blogger scum.

Well, I am not. And, either is my blogger friend, Lori P., who is also apparently a blogging whore. I am merely trying to get my blog recognized and read. Duh.

If voting blogs can increase someone's visibility, why should another blogger care about a false "popularity" of another blogger? Mind your own damn business (MYODB). If you don't feel threatened by another blogger's exposure, then really... why do you care? You shouldn't.

Shame on you.

( You may find it ironic that I don't have my little brown bar link to request your vote on this post. Don't. Brown bar isn't there because I am on my iPad, not my laptop. Image is on my laptop. Coincidence? Hmmmm... I don't think so. You can still vote for me at TMB.com by clicking that brown box/button up on the left! Again, only if I am worthy. )

Rebel in control of my own life

A couple of years ago or so, Matt and I had an epiphany that we really shouldn't care what others think of us. We didn't decide that to go against the grain. We simply came to the realization that we are relatively 'normal' adults, making the best decision(s) we can, and there is no way to please everyone all the time with our decisions, actions or opinions.

While that seems like a healthy way to go about your life, there is always this lingering uncomfort because it seems we aren't able to make decisions for our own lives and family without being labeled as 'rebellious' or 'nonconforming'. And, to be honest, we both are still in the healing process (one of us a bit deeper in the healing process than the other) from a situation where we were labeled as problematic because we didn't conform.

Let me be blunt. I sooooooo dislike conformity for the sake of conformity and comfort. I am an adult, and, whether it is acceptable or not (especially because I am a woman, ey-em), I have a brain and I prefer to use it to make decisions and not to merely follow those in my life like a well-loved dog.

I ran across this list today while blog-surfing. It is a list that Virginia Satir, a family therapist, developed for her clients that were struggling with addictive patterns or codependency issues, and while my own personal situation has nothing to do with addiction, this list is paramount in leading a healthy adult life, and it is crucial for children, especially teenagers, to grasp (for the codependency and addiction issues, especially). 

1. I do not have to feel guilty just because someone else does not like what I do, say, think, or feel.
2. It is OK for me to feel angry and to express it in responsible ways.

3. I do not have to assume full responsibility for making decisions, particularly where others share responsibility for making the decision.
4. I have the right to say, "I don't know."
5. I have the right to say "No," without feeling guilty.
6. I have the right to say "I don't understand," without feeling stupid.
7. I do not have to apologize or give reasons when I say "No."
8. I have the right to ask others to do things for me.
9. I have the right to refuse requests which others make of me.
10. I have the right to tell others when I think they are manipulating, conning or treating me unfairly.
11. I have the right to refuse additional responsibilities without feeling guilty.
12. I have the right to { respectfully }  tell others when their behavior annoys me. ( ' Respectfully ' added by AW )
13. I do not have to compromise my personal integrity.
14. I have the right to make mistakes and to be responsible for them; I have the right to be wrong.
15. I do not have to be liked, admired, or respected by everyone for everything I do.

From toddlers to grandparents, from supervisors to pastors.... We all like and enjoy control. After all, when control is involved, there is always something at stake.

For those of you that like to control others, there are a few items on that list that likely jumped out at you. For those of you that seem to always be controlled by others, in one way or another, there were likely many that caught your attention.  

#7, #10, #11 and #15 hit home for me. Who am I kidding... there were many more, but I figured I would narrow it to four.

What about you?  

Sanity Prep for Election Season 2012

Most of the time, it is pretty awesome to be me. Other times, it just sucks.

My brain works like none other that I know, but that is just because you all don't purge your brain publicly like I do. I know you are out there, closet crazy brain. Just like me.

For some reason, over the past three years - yes, THREE years! - the issues of abortion and the death penalty have been internally driving me bonkers. It is an internal debate, and just so I can bring some clarity to it, I am going to put my thoughts and feelings into words, in this blog, pre-election season. Now. For sanity's sake.

I almost went crazy last election season for a variety of reasons... I will spare you the details... but seriously, at times, I thought I was losing my mind because of the evilness of the political process and really, the internal ugliness of people - white, yellow, black, Christian, Jew, Atheist, Muslim... me included... you get the point.

For background sake, I am morally conservative, yet politically liberal. I don't fit a political group, and even as a Christian, I find myself questioning mainstream Christianity often these days when things just don't feel right. It isn't that I want to be a nonconformist. I have just personally experienced one too many 'leaders' leading a certain direction, in the name of God, politically and/or religiously, for their own aspirations and gain. It is very transparent, sad and incredibly troubling. 

I am pro-life, anti-abortion. I am anti-death penalty. I have always been pro-life, as it refers to abortion. But, there was a time that I didn't really give much thought to the death penalty (I just assumed that it was the way to go), because it really wasn't something I would ever need to ponder. Or so I thought.

I do not know anyone on death row. But, my sisters do. Yes, both of them. It just happens to be the same man that they know. I don't need to get into the details, but when it becomes personal, you tend to think about something like the government taking the life of someone, even someone who has committed a heinous crime, a bit more. Yes, you think about it more emotionally, not unlike the way you would think of someone taking the life of an unborn child.

Here is where my head starts to swirl.

Raise your hand if you think abortion is murder.

Raise your hand if you believe in the death penalty (which, of course, can be the sentence for murder, especially if the accused is thought to possess the ability to kill again.)

In your perfect world, should all women who have had abortions, regardless of their reason(s), be sentenced to the death penalty? After all, if you are against abortion, you think abortion is murder. Right? Although I do not have any stats to support this theory, I doubt that there is something magical that happens once a woman has had an abortion once, which precludes her from having another...and another... and another... without a serious transformation of her heart.

I know it all comes down to legislation, but really? If abortion was illegal, would you support the death penalty for a woman that had an illegal abortion? What about your best friend who had an abortion? Or your daughter? After all, what is worse that taking the life of an unborn child? Certainly worse than the friend on death row, who was completely whacked out on drugs, and took the life of a store clerk he was robbing, when he was barely an adult... right? Wrong.

Phew. Okay. I am settling down. Breathing... breathing... am I completely confusing you? See, this is why I need to sort it in real life, because my brain goes a mile a millisecond with these issues.

In my mind, abortion and capital punishment both equal murder. I don't care who is President or which party has the political power. Strip it down, and it is very difficult for me to see the difference in the two.  

Instead of trying to fix it, we just get rid of it...?

" It " being the unborn human or the situation the unborn baby will create if born... or " it " being the troubled human who committed an awful crime(s).

We just get rid of them? Say whaaa?

Last election season when I was getting the crazies over the debates of abortion and capital punishment, a pastor at our church had told me to be careful, because there was biblical evidence that supported the death penalty. He is the theologian, not me; however, the evidence wasn't enough to convince me (not that he was trying to convince me... he was just giving me both sides of the coin). It all sounded smart, but it still didn't feel right right.

I know it cannot be as simple as this... or can it?... the mercy of Jesus, shown in the Bible over and over again to all makes and models of sinners, wasn't something that had to be earned - it was freely given by Jesus. Yes, while you could argue that capital punishment is a means to remove threats to our society, I am not really confident that is the road Jesus wants us to take ... versus, say, life in prison with the opportunity to rehab the body and mind, and transform the heart. 

I don't know much about anything, as I have said over and over again on this blog, but why is it that Jesus didn't and doesn't discriminate the outpouring of the gifts of mercy and grace, yet, we feel we have the right to?

As a Christian, I don't get it. And, I likely never will. But, there. It is on the internets now, and the brain is purged. I can now go walk my dog with a less clogged brain. 

Housekeeping items --- that's right --- time to VOTE (once a day)!  

And, here, too, once a day! I know, I am a pain in the butt... tell me something I don't know!